Tuesday, November 22, 2016

After Every Show I Hook Up with an Actress

In my free time I do community theater. Known for hook-ups, dramatic break ups, menage-a-trois, and all around orgies-there is no shortage of stories from my 20-something theater family. Last Saturday my most recent show closed. Because it was snowing, I was drinking a little, and had to be at the theater by 10 AM the next morning I decided to stay with the 20-something Tech Director (set builder/designer) for the show, who happens to be a close friend.

 “I’m the tech director,” he said, “I show up toward the end of the run of the show and I hook up with one of the actresses."

 “Oh yea!” I said, “The fall show last year, the winter show you didn’t, the spring show you hooked up with waitress at the bar and a girl in the cast, and summer show this year you hooked up with someone too!”

 “Yep, S [female name 1] during Spamalot, S [female name 2] after Dolly, and M [female 3] after Singin’,” he said, “Actually with S[female name 2] we just made out a little, and slept naked with my hand her boob.”

 “I’m not sure if that counts,” I said, “But I guess it kind of does.”

 As I said, the 20-something Tech Director is a close friend near and dear to my heart and I wouldn’t trade him for anything.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

What Is This-Middle School?

“You need to lighten up, you went on four dates with this guy and all you did was kiss?” asked one of my 40-something co-workers, who looks and acts more like a 20-something most of the time.

 “Well yea……” I said sheepishly.

He has a point, I can be uptight at times but I just need to be comfortable and connected with someone to be intimate with a guy-and he realizes that. At the time of this conversation I was stressing out about telling this guy, over the phone I did not want to see him again but was more than willing to stay friends.

 “You know when I was first with [Generic Female Name], we started making out behind the theater after the show. We were rolling around on the lawn and covered in goose shit and stuff,” continued my 20-something male co-worker, “But she would not let me down her pants. I was like ‘what is this middle school!?’”

 “Seriously, Eric? Why are you telling me this?” I said.

 “Because this guy took you out four times and all you did was kiss!” He had a point, we went out four times over the course of a month and all we did was kiss, I guess maybe this I am the one in middle school sometimes. ~EV

Monday, November 14, 2016

Pocket Blow-Job

“I’m thinking about buying a sex toy,” said one of my 20-something male co-workers, “is that weird?”

 “Of course not!” I said. Like most other 20-something females, I own a vibrator (or two), and am no stranger to sex-toys.
 “It’s a pocket blow-job,” he continued, “ I am hoping it will help me last longer. There’s a few different ones I am looking at.”

 My 20-something male co-worker pulled out his phone and showed me a number different “pocket blow-job” aids he was looking at purchasing. Scrolling through I was amazed at the number of male sex toys there are, and the amount of research that he was putting into a topic such as this.

Saturday, November 5, 2016

Will you cuddle me after.........

After deciding to be "just friends" with a guy I was casually seeing for a few months, he invited me over to his new apartment after rehearsal one night. He had a bottle of wine he could not drink himself, and being that it was Halloween (which was on a Monday), I figured why not? Upon entering his apartment, I could tell he wanted more than just a friend tonight.

 "You don't want this," I said.

 "I know, I'm just not good at listening to my future self," he said. "If I went and jacked-off, would you cuddle me afterwards?"

 "Sure," I replied thinking this was the lesser of two evils.

 "Don't forget your cell phone so you can watch porn." "Thanks," he said exiting the room to his bedroom. "Do you need some coconut oil to get it going?"

"No I am going to dry-hand it," he said "I need to get better at lasting longer." Speaking from experience, he is not wrong.

 Yes this happened, and I let it happen. And he is a co-worker, and a friend.

Friday, November 4, 2016

“The next woman I am having sex with is going to be my wife,” said my 20-something friend of a coworker.

 I was skeptical, but sure he was lying when he pulled out his phone to show pictures of a girl’s fully naked butt, and vagina. Clearly this gem had sent him nude pics, like many girls do, and was quite proud of her behind. I saw no face or full-frontal pictures however.

 “This girl I am hanging out with right now,” he continued referring to the naked-no-name on his phone “she has been a prostitute before. It really turns me on that she had sex with guys for money.” 

“What?!?!” I exclaimed.

“But I need more of an emotional connection,” he explained.

 There sheer absurdity of the conversation left an impression on me. The next girl he had sex with was going to be his wife. However, he was having sex with a girl that sent nude pictures to his phone, had sex for money, and was showing his friends these pictures? A few minutes later the guys hanging out in my apartment called a ride-share home. He attempted to get left behind-and we all know what his intentions were.

 “No you’re going with them!” I said.

 “She doesn’t care where you go but you can’t stay here!” said one of the other guys as I shoved them out of the apartment and into the elevator.

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Dating Three Girls

“I’m dating three girls right now,” said one of my 20-something friends.

 “For how long? And where are they tonight?” I asked trying to figure out why my 20-something friend needed additional companionship if had three others in the pipeline.

 “One I’ve been dating for 8-months, one 3 for three months, the other about two,” he continues, “One has a thing with her mom, another doesn’t like techno, and the other is out of town.”

 “Wow,” I said.

 This was perhaps my first realization of the type of person my ‘friend’ really was. A few months earlier he asked me out for a drink. I told him I wasn’t looking to get into something at that point, I had just gotten out of a relationship.

Not liking this response he told me “I can’t be friends with girls I am attracted to.” But that hasn’t stopped us from hanging out together and going to events since then. Nearly everyone bemoans the current dating scene. Swipe left, swipe right some mindless back forth that usually goes nowhere, and does nothing. But that was never the intent of this blog, so I would like to focus on the ridiculousness of some of the interactions I have regularly had with 20-something guys.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Still Married....Not Even Separated

“You’re friends with *Tina?” asked a 30-something co-worker over coffee.

 “Yea, we know each other,” I said hesitantly knowing what he was getting at. I work in a very large building, with plenty of predominantly male co-workers. While a few have directly asked me out on a “date,” which I have come to learn that some is almost as serious as a marriage proposal to some, plenty have asked me to have coffee, meet in center court, or even have lunch ‘casually.’ A few weeks earlier, a mutual acquaintance *Tina stopped me in the halls to ask if I knew the man sitting across from me, stating “he had a crush on me,” realizing the ridiculousness of her statement.

 I agreed to have a coffee with the muscular Italian, Anthony, only to find out he was married with a child. “I’m in bad marriage but would you like to hang out?” was his comment.

 “I would rather not get involved with someone that is married, especially if you are not separated or divorced,” I said.

 “Could I just have some time to explain my situation a little better?” he asked. I declined.

 A few days later, I ran into *Tina. Although I was not mad I asked her if she was aware *Anthony was married.

 “I had no idea until AFTER you had coffee with him!” she said shocked.

 This incident shook me up more than it should have. I have a friend that seems to attract “I might be getting divorced” men. Perhaps it is our age, our overall appearance, or some vibe that is given off-but this is a common problem she has. My advice to men in this situation-FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT BEFORE YOU GET INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE ELSE!